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Sunday, August 19, 2007

Taking a Look At Marriage in Communities of Color....

I'm putting this on the chalkboard and will put forward a editorial momentarily. Let's discuss this amongst ourselves. Is marriage a White thing? God help us.

Courtesy of Blackprwire.com:

Marry your Baby Daddy Day Ceremony to take place in September 07


(BLACK PR WIRE) A fact concerning African Americans, which is not often discussed in modern times, is that African Americans were not legally allowed to marry until after emancipation from slavery. Moreover, an even bigger fact that seems to have been completely glossed over in most American History books is the astounding numbers of African Americans who married after slavery, as soon as they were legally allowed. Marriage was held in such high esteem by African Americans back then that close to 70% of African Americans during that time period were married.

Marriage was so important (even before emancipation) that for 100’s and 100’s of years, African Americans would “symbolically” show their Union by “jumping a broom”, which is one tradition still kept alive today in many legal marriage ceremonies.

In today’s society, it is a well-known fact that there has been a sharp decline in marriages among African Americans, and also with 2-parent households in general. Undoubtedly, there are several reasons marriage has declined in the African American community; many of those reasons are societal influences, which affect all cultures across the board. Typically, the Church, school and community reinforced the family stability; however, increasingly, those institutions are challenged by new social ideals, media influences, peer groups and a sense of a new “norm”. Current African American marriage statistics range from 44% to 41% respectively. However, what is clear in reading all of the statistics about African American marriages is that they are lower in marriage rates, and higher in divorce rates, than any other group allowed to legally marry in the United States.

The good news is that despite the seemingly growing trends, there are actually several under-reported African Americans focusing on embracing the stability and foundation of a good marriage.

In New York, the second annual “Marry Your Baby Daddy” wedding celebration for close to a dozen couples will be held in September, 2007; free of charge for the happy couples! The idea behind the concept, according to its founder, Maryann Reid, was to raise the “esteem” of marriage in the African American community. “You always hear about baby mama drama”, stated Reid, “But rarely, if ever, do you hear about those who actually love the mother/father of their children.” In 2005, Reid started her venture without any corporate support, however, today, the entire ceremony and reception, including their designer wedding dresses, are all paid for by donations from several corporate vendors. In order to qualify, couples have to already live together, must be interviewed to show their sincerity, and they must have at least one child together. The first wedding was held in 2005 where close to a dozen couples were married in unison. Most couples’ reasons for not getting married before Reids’ event centered on marriage not being a “big deal anymore” and “money” issues. However, both the men and women alike were surprised at how happy they felt after being selected; even though many had stable relationships for years. Many couples felt that their relationship had taken on a new, even more important meaning; and many were proud of the new example they were setting for their children.

Another group of African Americans interested in celebrating the joy of marriage in the Black community organized Black Marriage Day (recently celebrated in March 07), and they want the celebration to reach 50 Cities around the US. “Black Marriage Day” is another (relatively unknown) concept whose premise is to celebrate the joy of marriage in the African American community. There are several other grassroots organizations whose overriding theme and goal is to motivate the hearts and minds of the African American community to cherish and celebrate marriage, while encouraging more to commit to marriage.


Now I'm ready to editorialize or pontificate as it relates to the aforementioned article. I will confess-I am the product of a stable two parent household and in someways have felt like an anamoly because of it. I have been fortunate enough to have witnessed a successful marriage to boot, so one could easily assume that I hold the institution of marriage in high regard. I have also witnessed friends, colleagues and relatives who had to deal with single-parent rearing oftentimes with parents that never married or who decided to make it legal and later sought a divorce. The children from these liasons almost never recover. It amounts to a psychic wound that these selfsame children carry into adulthood ultimately damaging their prospective relationships. Perhaps I am sounding like a broken mp3 file (a record is so 20th century) but cultural reorganization is almost necessary to combat subcultural influences that have equated honoring the woman a man has chosen to bear his children as little more than a breeding animal. And having to capitulate to the "baby daddy/momma" title even further emboldens my perspective. This Baby Daddy Ceremony may have the desire in the right place but the title diminishes its importance-it's time to raise the collective bar or is that a broom.

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